Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
