If i come over, it means nothing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
