Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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