i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
