Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
