hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if only i could text you this smell
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
