girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
