Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
