he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
