so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize