Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
