Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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