i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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