I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
