well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
