his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
