when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
