So drunk its hurt
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
