GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
