He is an equal opportunity slut.
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
