So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize