I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
