Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
