had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
