is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
