my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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