Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize