It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
