My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
