so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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