I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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