Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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