her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
