Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You dont lie about slip and slides
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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