Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize