dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my vag is so smooth its legendary
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
