Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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