1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
