:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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