I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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