I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
