I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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