I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
