dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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