well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
