Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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