WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize