don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
