When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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