I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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