i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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