I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and she was petting her beer can
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
