what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
