Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
