Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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