I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
