i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
