Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
