Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
