You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
