All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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