I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
