Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
