3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
