My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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