and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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