Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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