I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
