took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
